Quite unexpectedly, you came into my life and turned it a little bit upside down. Not that I expect anything more to happen, I’ve made the mistake before and I learned my lesson.

But maybe, that’s just my problem. Some stupid little part of me is so cooped up inside, just not willing to let anybody in. It’s that built-in defense mechanism my psyche has made up - I’m not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough to get your attention. At least, to gather enough of your attention for you to realize I’m right here.

So I see you in the hallway… do I give you a hint or do I do the awkward nonchalant smile and hug of friendliness… It’s probably no use, maybe I’ve given myself away every time I try and hide my humongous grin. How can I hide it? 

Why should I hide it?

Then again, there’s the fear you won’t fall; the fear that you’re just  being too friendly; the stupid little fear that we’ll never get past flirtatious greetings and side glances and that I’m probably just conjuring up a romance I read somewhere.

Every encounter, text, message, call, greet, word, sentence, laugh.. I wonder if I’m just building myself up for disappointment or there’s a chance that someday we could get past beyond playing games.

And right now, it’s all just a little sad.